


As The Force Wills: Light and Shadows

by OnyxAcheron



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Everyone is a badass in their own way, F/F, F/M, Family, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Friendship, Love, M/M, Politics, Swearing, Tags Are Hard, The truth as I see it, Tros never happened, War, What Have I Done, all aboard the pain train, canon? never heard of her, everything old is new again, there will be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23470246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxAcheron/pseuds/OnyxAcheron
Summary: Only the brightest of lights can create the darkest of shadows. And only the darkest of nights can cause the stars to shine.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 18
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Three months after the battle of Crait.**

Aboard the flagship the First Order, Kylo Ren gazed out into the galaxy from the viewport in his quarters. In three months his life had turned upside down and yet...some things remained so horrifyingly familiar. Now the Supreme Leader, most of his subordinates looked at him in one of two ways: for leadership and with fear. His first order had been to recall the Knights of Ren. Kylo wasn't stupid; he knew Hux would stage a coup or try to poison his kaff. Kylo needed people around him he could trust. And the Knights were his comrades. Hells, they were his friends. They'd fought and bled together. Been tortured together. When they'd arrived, Kylo felt himself relax slightly. Now he just had to tell them the truth...

Hours later in his quarters, Kylo explained the events of the past few days. The Resistance, the map, the pilot Poe Dameron, the ex-stormtrooper and Snoke. Then finally Rey and everything (well, _almost_ everything) that happened between them. How he'd killed Snoke. What Skywalker had done and his resulting death. How the Resistance had escaped. 

"So the girl lives." Monk Ren`s gentle voice spoke.

Kylo met his second in command`s black eyes. "She does."

"Fucking great." Kade Ren grunted. "We need to kill her before she destroys us."

Morigan Ren nodded in agreement. "He's right. If this girl becomes a Jedi, we're all kriffed."

Kylo looked to Tessa and Cormack Ren. They had been together since they were all at the temple with Skywalker. Cormack just shrugged as Tessa announced, "We will follow your orders, Master."

He didn't want Rey dead.

"Now just hold on," Monk spoke up. "She was only with Skywalker a handful of days. This Rey may be strong with the Force but no one has ever gone from their awakening to a Jedi so quickly. "

"You're thinking she can be turned?" Kade snorted.

"No." Monk closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "But perhaps that is the largest problem."

"That she can't be turned?" Morigan asked. 

Sitting back in his chair Monk answered, "That we immediately jumped to only two options: turn or die." Looking at his master he continued; "I believe the answer is in the question...one you posed yourself. `Why is the Force connecting us?`"

"Because all is as the Force wills." Nox, the youngest Knight answered. 

"Quite right." Monk agreed. "Master, with your permission I'd like to do some research."

"Permission granted. Kade, Morigan. Hux will be planning a coup of some kind. I need to know how and when. Tessa, I need you to go over all of Hux's comminiques, see if you can't find something. Cormack, I want you to secure all of our quarters. I don't want anyone knowing any of our conversations."

"What would you like me to do, Master?" Nox asked, her curly blonde hair bouncing as she looked up at him. 

"Go to the training room and meditate. Your command of the Force isn't as honed as it should be."

As the Knights moved to leave Monk muttered, "Master, a word?"

Kylo nodded. He knew where this was heading. Leading Monk into his living room, Kylo motioned for his second in command to have a seat. Monk sat on the leather couch his long, straight black hair tied neatly into a tight style that looked somewhat like a cylindrical tube that rested on the back of his head. His light brown eyes gazed longingly at the decanter of Corrilian whiskey at the small liquor bar on the wall next to the kitchenette. 

Kylo grabbed the decanter and two glasses, sitting next to his friend. "I think we earned a small reprieve, my brother." Poring them both a glass he took a deep breath. They clinked glasses. "You don't believe my story."

Taking a sip, Monk rested back against the couch. "I think its a good start." Taking another sip he tested not only the taste but his brother's mood. "So. Would you like to tell me the full reason you killed Snoke?" When Kylo's gaze snapped to his he chuckled softly. "Or we can just keep going with the half assed story you've told us. Either way, I don't care...you know that."

"Are you telling me to confess my sins?" Kylo mumbled before downing his glass.

Monk poured them another drink. "We are all sinners. But killing that fucking monster isn't a sin. I feel the burden on your shoulders, on your soul. I cannot do my job to the fullest extent if you do not talk to me."

"I'd had enough of the torture we had to endure. He was using us. Snoke used your lives against me to keep me in line. He used me for my power. Isn't that enough?" Kylo whispered.

Nodding, Monk answered just as quietly, "Of course it is. And we are in your debt. But tell me this had nothing to do with the girl and we can end the conversation here." When his master remained silent, Monk couldn't help but break put a huge grin. "Tell me of your woman."

"She isn't my woman." Kylo grunted before throwing back the rest of his whiskey.

With a bark of laughter Monk asked, "Does she know that?" When Kylo glared at him he set his glass down and threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay. Fine. End of conversation. She isn't yours and you aren't hers. I'll leave you to get your rest." Standing up he made his way to the door.

Kylo`s voice followed in trepidation; "Have you ever looked into the face of love?"

"Once." Monk responded quickly. "Do you wish to confess?"

"I do."

Reclaiming his seat next to his brother, Monk placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "It is time for total truth between us. Unburden your mind to me. Tell me of this woman; this Rey. Speak to me of the light." The Supreme Leader of the First Order, Master of the Knights of Ren, one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy smiled his crooked smile so filled with hope that for a few moments, Monk remembered back to their childhood when that smile first appeared. And then Kylo broke down and wept like a small, lost child.


	2. Chapter Two

That was almost three months ago. He and the Knights had made plans...so many plans. They would be implemented soon. Pushing away thoughts of the past, Kylo began stripping the armor from his body and putting on his sleeping clothes. He found very little comfort with the thought of sleep. Would his dreams be of how things had ended in the throne room of the Supremacy again? If only he had had a clear mind or better words to express what he'd meant to say. She had been so fierce, so brave and oh, so beautiful. Her confidence...in him. Her righteous fury aimed at Snoke and the Praetorian Guard. It had all been so...intoxicating. 

Or would he have the other dreams tonight? The ones in which she forgives him, where she not only listens to him apologize but also speaks to him. Where she isn't angry but forgives him. The ones where he's allowed to hold her, to lay chaste kisses on her forehead and cheeks. Even now he swears he can feel her soft skin on his lips, beneath his fingertips. The sweet scent of Night Blossoms, the sun and something earthy that he caught in the interrogation room and in the lift as he brought her to Snoke.

He wasn't sure what was worse: what he _had_ said and done as opposed to what could _have_ happened. Either way, he was in a self-made hell. Reality versus fantasy. But always there was the Force Bond. For three long months all had been quiet except the _knowing_ that it was still there and active. Every day Kylo would pull on his end. Nothing. He would gently knock on the walls she had built. She wouldn't answer. Remembering the first few times the Bond opened and how she would yell, hurl insults...Gods, what sweet times they were. At least she had been _there_ , _present._ Now he realized that he preferred her railing against him as opposed to this silence. Her silence was agony. Like a piece of his heart has been removed, leaving a gaping hole where she had been. Force, how his chest ached. Climbing into bed, Kylo willed himself into sleep, no matter the hell that awaited him. With the morning he'd find a way to cope. Like he always did. Closing his eyes, sleep clutched him in its embrace.

What felt like a short time later he awoke with a jolt. He'd been dreaming of her again, of them. Of the time when she'd been with Luke and had told him what she'd found in the cave. How alone she'd felt. How he'd answered that she wasn't alone. How she'd responded that neither was he. When she'd reached out to him, how her small callused fingertips felt against his own. The all encompassing warmth and peace that flowed out from her into himself. All the fear and pain had been brushed aside until there was just _them._ For the first time, he'd felt whole.

But now something was wrong. The Force vibrated around him in displeasure. Calling his light saber to him he waited for the assassination attempt. No. This was...something closer...something much more personal. The outer doors to his quarters opened suddenly revealing Monk and Kade.

"Brother?" Monk uttered as he looked around.

Kylo held up a hand, telling them to wait as he searched the Force. The first thing he checked on was the Bond. She was still there but something was wrong. She was panicking...in pain. He pushed out, calling to her. "Rey. I know you can hear me. What's wrong?" Pushing further he felt her anxiety and fear. And something else...doubt? When had she ever doubted herself? "Answer me, Rey. If you're in trouble..." He would _what_? Help her? She'd already made her choice. Sighing he continued, "Just answer me. You can at least do that."

A spike of pain came from her before he felt the reason why. The string, this tether that was between them, sizzled and crackled until it began to fray at her end. Hellfire wrapped around him for a few moments, stealing the very breath from his lungs, forcing him to the floor of his bedroom. Unbridled pain washes over him, tearing through his entire being.

"Rey." He whispered.

Gasping, he tried to center himself, desperately trying to understand what happened until he was able to breathe again. The Bond was gone. She must have found a way to destroy it. Tears flooded his eyes, his heart panging painfully in his chest. Rey had given up on him. She didn't want him. And just like everyone else, she'd thrown him away.

A great shuddering wave struck through the Force and he reached out, trying to grasp what was happening. The Light wailed in misery as the galaxy, as _everything_ tilted for a few moments. A great power was swallowed up and then simply blinked out of existence. It was Rey. She was just.. _gone._ It was as if the Force was saying, ' _ **I have already split your soul in two and now have taken your heart as well.'**_

Suddenly Monk was kneeling at his side saying something he couldn't make out. There was a terrible screaming coming from somewhere nearby. His heart felt as if it had been pulled from his chest and lay bloody at his feet. A mournful wail erupted in the room and he wished that the screaming and wailing would just _stop_ because he had to figure out what was happening.

He could hear his doors opening and closing over and over. The screams and cries felt like they continued forever. At some point he became aware that he was vomiting but he found he couldn't care less. Where was Rey? Was she feeling like this? The galaxy was churning, moving too quickly and yet perfectly still. There were voices but he couldn't understand them. There was just this ice cold fire that gripped him, pulling him apart and trying to haphazardly reassemble him at the same time. He was a puzzle where the pieces no longer fit. Gaping holes claimed his heart and soul. And the unending wailing. Gods, would it ever stop?! He awaited the rage he knew would come. It didn't. Kylo tried to reach out for the Darkness. It would shield him, protect him. He couldn't find it. There was nothing. He was nothing. Alone. The screams became howls as the floor fell out beneath him.

"Sleep, brother." All is blackness.

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Malik Rata also known as Monk Ren lifted his Master, his best friend and now the Supreme Leader of the First Order off the floor and placed him back into bed. The Knights of Ren had all felt it. The girl that Master had spoken of, Rey, was gone. Malik had been assigned to find all he could on Force Bonds. For the past few weeks all he'd found were two things: bonds as strong as the one Kylo and Rey had were powerful and few and far between. And, if you went by what little he'd found, should one of them die, the other would go through the worst forms of hell, which would eventually result in madness and then death. 

Monk knew they were in trouble. Things were already bad. And now Kylo was compromised. There were only a few options afforded to them. Just which one was the way to go, he had no idea. Closing his eyes he reached out to the Force, praying it would guide him. 

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

The last twelve hours passed by in a blur for the Knights of Ren. Malik, being the second in command had hard decisions to make. The first of which was what to do with Kylo and how to play off his absence. Everything they would do had to be kept secret and if they should be found out, it would spell disaster for them all. 

So he decided to send Morigan to the medical bay for I.V. fluids and as much sedative as possible without chancing a curious medical staff. He then sent Kade to the bridge with a message to the command officers that their Supreme Leader was communing with the Force and was not to be disturbed. Kade was almost as large and could be just as frightening as Kylo himself so no one would question him. He then had Tessa hack into the security feed and erase any and all evidence of the Knights running into Kylo's quarters. Her husband, Cormack, was then ordered to the landing bay where the Supreme Leader's personal shuttle was held. Cormack was to make sure it had fuel and supplies for the seven of them for several weeks in the event they had to make an escape. That left he and the youngest Knight, Nox, to watch over their Master until everyone returned. 

"Malik, what's wrong with him?" Nox asked, her violet eyes wide with fear. "I felt a tremendous tear in the Force. Is he going to die? What's happened?"

Running a hand over his face, Malik walked to the 'fresher. "I have an idea. But I pray the Force is merciful. Because if it is what I think..." Swallowing around the lump in his throat he grabbed a wash cloth and ran it under cold water before wringing it out. Moving back toward his friend's bedside he continued, "If it's what I think, then our worst nightmares have come to pass." He gently ran the cloth over Kylo's face, trying to once again as he's been attempting to for hours, wipe the tears away. Even unconscious and heavily sedated, the man still wept. "If it's true, then our master will no longer be the same."

They needed help. All of the changes to the First Order that the Knights of Ren had planned on would come to nothing. Everything that Ben had wanted would be thrown out the airlock if he died. Everything they had already started...it would all end with the howling cries of a man who'd lost the other half of himself. Monk had never really been a man of action, he was more of a scholar. That's why he and Ben had gotten along so well back at the temple. They'd hide themselves away for hours in the library, reading everything they could and talking about it. He had to do _something._ "Young one," he addressed Nox, "you should go to your quarters and get some sleep. You'll need your strength."

The girl nodded and smiled gently. "If you need me..."

"I'll comm you."

As soon as the doors closed behind her, Monk locked them with the Force. If he was going to do this, he'd have to be quick. Moving to the computer he typed in a code he made sure to remember from all those years ago. What was it that Kade had said? 'Its always easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission'. Right. Looking at his best friend he murmured, "Perhaps one day you'll forgive me. Or you'll kill me. Either way, you'll need to be awake to do so." When the computer confirmed it was ready to record, he took a deep breath to steady himself. 

A blue holo of his face appeared before him. "I wish to speak to her worshipfulness of Mirrorbright." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I just joined AO3 and wanted to say thank you to all of you who have given my story a chance. This is my first time putting my work out into the public domain, so please forgive me if it isn't the best few chapters to begin with. I have a plan for this story...some canon, some not and a lot of U.S.S I Make Shit Up. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy where this goes. I began writing this after I saw TLJ, and it's been stuck in my brainpan...

**Across the Galaxy...**

General Organa was tired. Tired of war. Tired of command. Tired of waking every day wondering if it would be her last. She missed her scoundrel of a husband. She missed her twin, who was always so strong with the Force. But most of all she missed her son. Her little boy with shaggy black hair that was soft as silk, his large brown eyes, exactly as her own. He was always so inquisitive, needing to know how and why everything worked. She missed his tiny form wrapped in her arms, which had been aching and empty for so many years now.

For a long time she'd tried to reassure herself that what she was doing was for the best. Whether it was working in the Senate or fighting with the Rebellion, she always put other's needs first. Knowing what she did now however, there were people who suffered for it. Her own baby boy, her precious Ben who never wanted to be away from his mama for more than a few minutes. Even as a toddler he was already so strong with the Force that it had scared her and Han. Temper tantrums and the Force? Never a good combination. But she hadn't been afraid _of_ him. He was only a baby who couldn't control how he felt.

But now, she'd lost everything...and it was her fault. She should've known better. Admitting that back then she couldn't see the forest for the trees didn't change where she is today. And she is in wild space, tired as hell and wanting nothing more than to just throw her hands up and give in. But she couldn't. 

It has been three days since Rey disappeared. The young woman had gone with Poe and a few others to an isolated planet that was friendly with what remaining members were left of the Republic. It seemed as if Leia's cry for help had finally been answered. What was left of the rebels were starving and in desperate need of everything from ships to people to medical equipment. The mission had gone smoothly according to Poe. No First Order, no spies that they could tell. But just as the five ships made the jump to light speed, only four arrived at their destination. Rey's ship never followed. They've tried comming her hundreds of times by now. There'd been nothing but silence.

The general sat at her desk in her office, sipping kaff and staring at the binary beacon, willing it to do something. Rey was out there, somewhere. She was alone. Closing her eyes, Leia reached out into the Force, searching for the enormous source of light that was the young woman. The Force echoed back that yes, the girl was alive but no, you won't find her.

Gathering strength she stood and left her quarters. There were meetings to be had, decisions to be made. The top priority was what to do about the missing Jedi. She could send a few people, retrace their flight plan. Maybe her ship malfunctioned and she'd crashed somewhere nearby. Perhaps Rey had been forced to go back to the planet.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

A few hours later she was in the middle of a meeting regarding new ways of recruiting people to their cause. Poe was there as were Finn and Rose. Leia looked them over, sensing how tired they were. War is a terrible thing, especially for the young. These kids should be worrying about simple things like dates and being late for a shuttle, not about starving and dying. Poe was trying to argue that they should take out a small First Order base in the system. 

The Force vibrated in warning before a blast of pain hit her. "No." _Rey._ She was...Leia swallowed against the urge to vomit.

"General, I know that you want us to lay low for a while, but I think taking out a small First Order base right now will send a signal to the galaxy that we're still here. That we're still fighting." Poe urged.

Leia shook her head, trying to clear it. This wasn't possible...okay, it _was_ possible but why hadn't she had any prior warning until _right before_ it happened? She'd felt nothing from Rey since her disappearance. Just that she was alive and now...she's gone. "No. Poe, now isn't the time."

"Yes ma'am. Is there anything specific you'd like us to do?" He asked.

"No." _Yes._ Taking a steadying breath she stood. "Just...carry on with your usual duties for now."

"Excuse me, General are you alright?" Rose asked, concern written on her face.

"Yes." _No._ "I'm just a little tired is all." _Rey is dead._ "I'm going to my quarters to rest. Let's meet again in a few hours."

"Of course, ma'am." Finn answered.

_Poor Finn. His best friend is dead. How am I supposed to explain this to him? To everyone?_

Walking slowly back to her quarters, Leia couldn't look anyone in the eye. The hallways were filled with rebels going about their daily routine. She should feel cramped and the noise should bother her. Instead she felt exposed like a raw nerve and the only sound she heard was the cries of what was once a little boy now become a man. _Don't go!_ She just barely made it into her quarters before she threw up.

"I'm sorry, Leia." Luke appeared on the other side of the office, surrounded by a halo of blue light. "But this had to happen."

Anger tore through her, setting her blood on fire. "Why?! Because of her raw power? Because she was a _danger_? She never had a chance, did she?! _Just like my Ben_! What use is any of this if we all end up losing everything?!"

Luke, even being dead knew when to back away from his sister. Now was one of those times. Making his voice as gentle as possible he answered, "No. Like Ben she never had a chance but she had a choice." He visibly swallowed. "And she made it."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I can't tell you that." He answered.

"Can't or won't?"

"Either." He shrugged. "Both. Take your pick. But know this..." moving close to her he whispered, "Some things can never be changed. Yet others can. You need to be ready."

"Ready for what?" She felt a calm wash over her.

Looking at the binary beacon on her wrist Luke answers, "Darkness rises and light to meet it. Powerful light, powerful darkness." With a wink, he disappears. 

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Leia opens the door. It didn't creak like most of the doors on the base. She half expects to see Rey sitting at her little slapped-together work bench fiddling with Luke's light saber or reading one of the Jedi texts. But the room is empty. Shutting the door behind herself Leia begins to look around the small space. It's mostly clean, the floor could use a good sweep but...wait. Something is off. Rey's small pack of tools is gone. Rushing to the tiny dresser the general throws open the drawers. Empty. Using the Force she flips over the metal frame of the bed. Rey had showed her where she kept the two pieces of the light saber when she'd leave the room. " _Old scavenger habit. Hide your best pieces."_ Rey had blushed with embarrassment but Leia was proud of her. Clever girl. But the frame was empty. And the Jedi texts were nowhere to be found. Rey had _packed_. Sweeping back into the hallway a wave of uneasiness works it's way into her heart. She needs to confirm something first. If she is correct, not only have they lost Rey, but the last remaining artifacts of the Jedi religion.

It's not hard to find a Wookie. Especially this particular Wookie who`d refused to leave the Falcon for the last three days. Chewie was ready to fly off and bring back 'Rey pup', as he called her. He and Rey had made a good team, repairing the Falcon when she wasn't busy with training. Leia found him in the co-pilot seat, flipping through comm channels. He was listening for Rey.

Before they'd left to find Luke, Chewie had spoken to her. "She has the Force, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does." Leia admitted.

He just nodded. "She has that far away look sometimes. Like she's listening to something only she can hear. It's the exact same expression Ben used to get. He took her, on Takodana. What I don't understand is: how did she manage to escape from him?"

"I don't know." She answered.

"Hey Chewie." Leia sat in the pilot`s seat brushing away thoughts of the past.

"Hello, Princess. I`m ready to leave. Still haven't heard anything but I was thinking..."

"Chewie." Leia's voice wobbled, inteupting him. "You won't...she's not out there." When he tilted his head in question she pushed forward. "Rey died."

"How...are you sure?"

"I felt it in the Force." Swallowing her tears she whispered, "She's gone." Wrapping his furry arms around her Chewie began to cry. And true to most things about Wookies, you tend to follow their lead.

When their tears subsided Leia remembered the second reason she was here. "By any chance did Rey happen to store her belongings here?"

"Not that I'm aware of." Chewie shrugged. "But I'll look."

"Thank you. Well, I have a meeting to get to. I'll see you later?" Chewie nodded and hugged her. As she walked toward the boarding ramp she couldn't help but think that she would give almost anything for Han to have disabled the tracker on the Falcon years ago. Then, maybe at least, some people would still be alive.

After the deaths of most of the command aboard the Raddus, Leia had had to create a new command. She'd asked Finn, Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix and 'Snap' Wexley. Lando had commed her and a month after Crait had joined the Resistance bringing not only supplies and a few ships, but one hundred people with him. Poe was now her successor. They were now just a little over three hundred strong. 

Leia and the new command structure sat at a table behind closed doors. She'd make a full announcement later but for now, this news was more personal to these people. They deserved to know first. Clearing her throat she began, "There no easy way to say this but you all deserve to know the truth. A few hours ago, I felt through the Force that Rey...died."

Finn came out of his chair like he'd been electrocuted. "No! That's not possible. She couldn't..." Tears began to run down his cheeks. "She can't be dead." Rose stood and hugged Finn close to her, trying to steady him.

"It was _him_ wasn't it?" Poe asked, a dark look fixed on his face. "Kylo Ren killed Rey."

"I honestly don't know." Leia admitted. "But something about this feels off, _wrong._ Everything feels clouded. It doesn't make any sense."

"I say we attack that base I was talking about before. Hit back. Let 'em know we won't take this lying down." Poe said angrily.

"Now`s not the time." Lando chimed in. "We're all hurting. This is a big blow to the Resistance. We need to wait. Fight smarter, not harder."

That's when the argument broke out. Poe and Snap were yelling about the benefits of a strike now while the First Order was sure to be celebrating this 'victory'. Lando and Kaydel were yelling back that if the Resistance waited for a few days, once word Rey died had spread that it may inspire people to join them. Rose was hushing Finn as he cried, and Leia had her head in her hands. None of this was right. Perhaps it was time to give up.

The room was so filled with noise that no one had noticed that Chewie had arrived until he yelled, "Everyone shut up!" When everyone quieted and gave him their attention he continued, "We may have a new problem." Taking giant steps to the communication terminal he explained, "The Falcon just recieved this comm, but it came in through an old code...Han`s code." Patching the message through, a blue figure appeared before them.

"I wish to speak to her worshipfulness of Mirrorbright."

"Malik?" Leia gasped.

"I've traced it to a First Order vessel." The wookie responded.

"They can fuck right off." Poe bellowed. "Who the hell do they think they are?!"

"Wait, you said it's from Han`s code?" Leia asked.

"His old code. The personal one that would automatically go to the Falcon." Chewie nodded. "There's only a few people who ever knew it."

Leia stood, shock and worry coursing through her body. "I'll be in my office. Kaydel, patch that code to my commline. Poe, make an announcement that we're evacuating to plan Delta. Rose, Finn, ready a transport for six. Chewie, Lando, you're with me. We leave in two hours."

Turning, Leia left the room, tension nipping at her heels. Malik had survived the temple. He was with Ben. Was her son in trouble? Is that why Malik was the one to send the message? Or could this be a trap. She reached out to the Force but all she received was turmoil and grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to put out a new chapter every four days. Some will be short, some long. It all depends on my muse who, quite often, needs a swift kiss to her ass.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I thought I'd take the weekend off as a reward. I'd written two chapters in as many days and all I needed to do was get them edited and put up. Then Monday came and reminded me that if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Sorry this is late. Hopefully it's good enough to make up for the tardiness.

He wakes slowly, languidly. He feels as though he's been fighting for days without water, food and sleep. Exhaustion consumes him. Soothing hands card through his hair. He'd forgotten this comforting sensation. Taking a deep breath he smells cinnamon just like...

His eyes fly open and focus on a woman he hasn't seen in person for ten years. His _mother._ She's older, more gray and there are lines, wrinkles on her face that hadn't been there before. His gaze meets hers. They have the same eyes. How had he forgotten that? Reality slowly enters his world. She can't be here. She _shouldn't_ be with him. Why is she...?

Knowledge slams into him painfully. "Rey?" His throat is dry, scratchy. It hurts to speak.

"Son..." She whispers.

"No." He shakes his head.

"Ben."

"No!" He tries to shout but it comes out as a strangled whimper. He reaches out to the Force, to their Bond only to find it limp and empty, connected to nothing. "Please." He searches for her Force Signature and finds only a void where her bright light once existed.

"She is one with the Force." His mother entreats. "I felt it as well."

"This isn't possible. She can't be..." His eyes roam the room and he sees that he's not in his quarters. The walls are made of stone, natural sunlight filling the room. A cool breeze stirs around him. The Knights of Ren are present as are the traitor, the pilot and a small, black haired girl who can't seem to stop crying. He studies every face carefully. Tears are shed openly, no one even attempts to dry them away. Because it's futile. More would automatically take their place. Where his heart had once been is a ball of white hot pain. He looks to General Organa...the once Senator, the Princess, his mother and finds her openly weeping. 

The truth seeps into every atom of his being. "Rey is dead." He admits out loud. The tearing, searing pain consumes him again. "What do we do now?"

It's Monk that stands and approaches his bed. "For now, Brother, you sleep." He pushes a button that Kylo hadn't even realized was there. An I.V. juts out from his left wrist. They've been drugging him. Medication seeps into his bloodstream and he welcomes the abyss that opens before him. There is no life, no light, no hope if his Rey of Light is gone. 

_Ben had only known dreams as nightmares. Until Rey. The good ones he'd had of her had been of forgiveness, of peace. So when he found himself on an island he was thoroughly confused. It was green, life sprouting all around him. Looking to the sky he noticed the clouds gathering. It would rain soon._ **At night, desperate to sleep. You imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island.**

**_"Different, isn't it?"_** _A voice called out from behind him. Turning, Rey stood there looking exactly as she had when the Force connected them the second time. Her hair in three buns, darker because of the constant dampness and rain. Tendrils of it clinging to her face and neck, trickles of water dropping from the ends only to fall onto her poncho with barely a sound. **"Going from living on Jakku to coming here, I must say was shocking. Oceans of sand to an actual ocean."** She nodded to the waves crashing against the island. **"I thought it was all my imagination. "**_

_"This is where Luke was? Where you were?" Her small smile confirmed the answers he was looking for. "Why are you showing me this?"_

_Her smile faded and she looked confused. "I'm not. You've seen this place. Remember, on Starkiller?"_

_He just shrugged. "I guess."_

_Rey moved to stand next to him. "You've got to admit it. It's one hell of a view."_

_Kylo turned to look at her only to find she wasn't looking at the ocean, but at him._

_"It is indeed." He agreed._

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● 

When he awakens next Nox is sitting next to his bed. Her blonde curls have lost their luster and her violet eyes are bloodshot. Her Force sensitivity was weak but the seventeen year old could pick up any weapon and master it within days. 

"Master." Nox acknowledged. 

"Water." He grumbled softly. 

As she ran out of the room he took in his surroundings. The I.V. was still in his arm. They'd been sedating him. _Rey is dead._ Ripping the needle from his flesh he whimpered, not from the physical pain but from the emotional torture. Nox re-entered with a glass. 

As she handed it to him he asked, "Where are we?"

"Takodana, Master." She bowed her head. "Your clothes are there." She pointed to a bag on a small table. 

"Leave me." Nox did and he drank the water greedily, hoping it would soothe the ache in his chest. It didn't. How long had they kept him sedated? He somehow found the strength to stand up and grab his bag as he moved to the 'fresher. His Knights had a lot to explain. Setting his bag down on the counter he examined his reflection in the mirror over the sink. Kriffing hells, he looked like shit. The dark circles under his eyes gave him a gaunt look. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot and felt dry. Dark stubble covered his lower face but he had no idea how many days worth it was. He was used to shaving every morning. Digging in the bag he found his shaver and set to work clearing away the unwanted hair. 

As he brushed his teeth he turned on the shower. It would be good to feel at least outworldly clean. Taking off his clothes he tossed himself into the water. It felt frigid. Turning up the temperature steam finally rose and drifted throughout the room yet he still felt frozen. _Rey is dead._ Clutching his chest he felt the scar. _Her scar._ She had marked him as hers whether she knew it or not. And now she was gone. Snoke would have been thrilled. The Light _finally_ winking out of existence. But all he felt was sorrow and grief. He is hollow. He is a coward. He should have said something different. But he had been so lost in the freedom of it all. If only his words could have matched his thoughts then. 

Shutting the shower off he found a towel and dried himself. He needed to collect himself. Dressing slowly, methodically, as if the cloth and armor could cover and sever him from the pain he felt. Stepping out of the 'fresher he found his boots at the end of the bed someone had placed him in. Bird song caught his attention and he followed it to the open window and the view of the woods of Takodana. Kylo remembered the first time he had met Rey. How scared she had been. He could smell it on her, her fear. And yet she had the strength to pull the trigger...several times. Her aim wasn't bad, but against him and his light saber? Her courage had enticed him. The hunter inside him was lured by this firey prey. A breath of fresh air surrounded by light. Oh gods, even then he had wanted her. Wanted her to submit. To give herself over freely to the thoughts that had run rampid through his unbridled mind. To scent her. Mark her as his. To fill her in all the ways he possibly could. Pour his darkness into her light. Give to her his virginity, the last pure thing he had. To feel her under him, his dominance over her. Or her over him? Let him serve her. It didn't matter. He could have lost himself in her, her scent of sunlight, earth and flowers. 

A fresh wave of pain hit him. All the things that will never be. Gone are her yelling, her berating. Her attacks. The softness of her eyes as she entreated him. The pink of her blush when she appeared to him when he was shirtless. The sweet, dulcet tones of her voice when she spoke to him gently. He had wanted to hold her, to fold her into his much larger body and protect her. What had she done to him? And how did she do it? _I should have kissed her._ Securing his saber to his belt, he made his way out of the bedroom to find the Knights. But what he found made his stomach drop.

Six Resistance members sat amongst his Knights. It was too much. Much too much. "Could someone explain to me just what in the seven hells is going on?! Why are we on Takodana and what in the flying fuck are they doing here?"

Monk stood up from the table everyone had been seated at. "It was me, Brother. When the Jed...Rey died, you lost it. I made the decision to reach out to General Organa using Han Solo`s old comm frequency from when we were kids. Luckily, she remembered me and answered. I explained what happened and the General recommended we meet here. I accept full responsibility for my actions. The others had no idea of my intentions until after I had sent the message."

"And how did you explain our absence to Hux?" Kylo inquired. 

"We told him that you had confirmed through the Force that some of the Resistance were in this system." Morigan answered. "When we said that we were going hunting, Hux tried to argue." Her green eyes blared with hatred. "So I force choked him."

The laugh that Kylo barked out scared everyone in the room. "So you just trusted that the Resistance would come here only six strong?" He ran a gloved hand over his still wet hair. "They're probably assembling in orbit right now."

"They're not. General Organa and I made a pact. During this time they aren't Resistance and we're not First Order. The Force is in turmoil, just as you are. Brother..." Monk stood before Kylo, "all those plans we've made, the changes we want to implement, we should take action now."

Kylo shook his head in dismissal. "As much as I would like to believe this, I just can't. There's still too much groundwork to lay. And we can't pin our hopes on the very faction that's been against us from the beginning." He needed to get out of this place. Needed to think. Storming out into the hallway he just followed his feet, uncaring where they lead him. 

"I guess you never grew out of that stubborn streak." The growls of Chewbacca called out to him. "Must be genetic." The wookie slowly walked up to him and Kylo swallowed harshly. Honestly, he was waiting to be shot again. Better to get it over with. Turning he was met with the eyes of his Uncle Chewie, large and filled with sorrow. "Strange girl, that Rey. Definitely a fighter but also a victim. The kid knew things. _Lots_ of things."

"Like what?"

Chewie shrugged. "When we were with Luke, one night she came running to the Falcon. Said she just had a fight with him. She'd been doing everything she could to bring him back to the Resistance. When he'd told her that he'd never leave the island, she asked him to teach her. I guess he did, kind of. But I think she had hoped for more. So the kid comes back, soaking wet and more pissed off than I've ever seen. But her eyes were filled with hope." Chewie leaned down so he was eye to eye with Kylo. "Then she said the damndest thing. She told me Ben Solo was alive and that if Luke wouldn't help my nephew then she would."

"You just let her send herself into the heart of the First Order?!" Kylo yelled. "Kriff Chewie, I thought you had more brains than that."

The wookie chuckled. "Rey wasn't the kind of girl who _let_ people tell her what to do. Don't know if you noticed that small fact."

"I did."

"Yeah, well after she asked Luke if he helped to create Kylo Ren and he wouldn't answer, she cracked him over the head with her staff."

"She did _what_?!"

"Oh yeah, she told me the whole story. Even about your uh...force thingy. Said she knew the real you. She wasn't afraid, you know. Just...determined. I'm sure Rey knew she was putting her life on the line." Leaning closer his Uncle whispered, "But that's how much faith she had in you." Reaching into his satchel, his Uncle removed a strip of fabric and handed it to him. "This is the only thing Rey left behind. It's yours now." Kylo held the wrap up to his nose. It was clean, but the tan color was faded and stained in places. It smelled of Rey. "She told me what happened in the throne room. Even the events that you weren't awake for. If you'd ever like to know, I'll tell you.

"Why are you even here? You know what I've done. I killed my dad. And I can't...Kylo took a shuddering breath. "No matter how much I regret it, I can't bring him back." 

"You're right; you can't bring him back. But you just admitted that you regret your actions. That's a start. Look, I love Han and your mom. I really do. But a lot of mistakes were made...by everyone. We can't change the past. We'll learn to live with it. As for the future? That starts right now. But we need to make a decision and soon." Chewie replied. Smiling he tilted his head. "You got tall, kid."

Kylo's head hung low. "I fucked up big time. I'm...I don't know if I can fix things. No one will ever forgive me."

The wookie gently laid his hand on Kylo's shoulder. "If Luke could find the light that still remained in your grandfather and forgive him, your mom can do the same with you. She doesn't hate you, boy. Just some of your actions. Mistakes were made from the time you were small and they just kept being made. But I truly believe we can change things for the better."

Kylo's lower lip trembled. "How can you be so sure?"

Chewie`s expression turned serene. "Because three months ago a girl from nowhere boldly declared that my nephew was alive. And he is standing before me today."

Ben's shoulders slumped in despair. "Uncle Chewie..."

The wookie embraced him then. Rey was right. As his nephew cried, Chewie remembered years ago how he'd held the weeping child as he did now. This boy wasn't gone, he was lost. He was damaged but not broken. Ben Solo _is_ alive. "I know, kid." Chewie cooed. "It's gonna take time, but we'll figure it out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'd like to thank all of you that have given my work a chance. I hope you're all staying healthy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse is slowing down. I have two more chapters written already, but the last one took me two days because I wrote myself into a corner. My only thought was, "fuck, this doesn't bode well". Anyway, here's a new chapter but now I'm looking at perhaps one new chapter a week.

When Kylo and Chewie entered the room, his mind was made up. The current situation wasn't working therefore changes would have to be made. Sitting at the head of the table where his Knights were he poured himself a cup of kaff. He'd need it. Taking a sip he looked at his mother over the rim of the cup. She looked tired. Placing the cup on the table he began, "How long have we been here?"

"Six hours." Kade grunted.

"That doesn't leave us much time. We'll need to leave in an hour so Hux won't grow even more suspicious than he already is." Sighing he ran a gloved hand over his face. "Kriff. Okay, so...I killed Snoke."

"What?!" Poe yelled. Finn looked confused. Rose was silent with shock. Lando smiled and began laughing. Oddly, his mother's expression didn't chance. _Because she already knows._ "You expect us to believe that banthashit story?"

"It's the truth." Chewie confirmed. 

"Not that I don't believe you." Finn addressed Chewie. "But I don't believe him." He gave Kylo a dirty look.

"Rey told me." Chewie shrugged.

"And me." Leia confirmed.

"Wait..." Rose looked around the table. "If he killed Snoke...why in the seven hells would you blame Rey for it?"

"Because of the events directly after, young Rose." Monk entered the conversation.

Ben chewed on the inside of his cheek. _Here we go._ "I'm unsure of what all Rey told you but, she came to the Supremacy. She'd decided to confront Snoke and...save me." He huffed. "It didn't go the way she thought it would. Snoke...tortured her, tore open her mind looking for the location of Skywalker."

"And you didn't do a fucking thing, did you?" Poe spat at him.

"I never asked her to come!" Kylo roared. "You've never had the _pleasure_ of having an audience with that...thing."

"But you expect us to believe that you killed him and spared Rey!" Poe accused. Turning to Leia he added, "How do we know that he didn't mess with her mind. Maybe Rey _did_ kill Snoke but Kylo changed her memories. Made her think he did it."

"And why exactly would he do that?" Morigan charged.

"Because he's a Sith. Because that's what the dark side does. It lies and manipulates until there's nothing left. What were you trying to do, huh? Turn her?"

"Did you ever consider that even if he wanted to do that, that it isn't possible?" Monk asked.

"What do you mean?" Poe ground out.

"When I interrogated Rey on Starkiller, she fought back. Somehow she was able to not only lock away the map to Skywalker but she turned my mind probe back on me. From the very beginning she was strong with the Force. Untrained, yes. But incredibly strong. The very idea that I could use a mind trick on her is laughable." Kylo stated.

"Apparently you don't think very much of your Jedi." Monk`s voice was filled with disgust as he eyed Poe.

"Anyway, I'd already begun to doubt Snoke. I tried to sway him from using Starkiller again...his voice trailed off as he remembered standing on the Finalizer forcing himself to watch the horrific destruction of the Hosnian System. Kylo had felt the fear, the terror, the death of trillions of lives as they ended. He couldn't deal with it again. "I'd hoped that if I asked him for guidance, Snoke would ignore the weapon for a time. It didn't work,"

Finishing his kaff in a few large gulps he poured himself another cup. "I never wanted to hurt Rey."

"Could've fooled me." Finn snapped. "You threw her into a tree. She hit her head so hard she was unconscious." 

"I'm not exactly proud of that."

"You killed your father." The ex-stormtrooper added.

"Yes I did. I've done things that are unforgivable. Snoke had told me that if I did it, that my pain would end. I'd fall completely to the dark side. He was wrong. Instead of freeing me, it only made things worse...or better, depending upon how you look at it." Taking a drink he thought over what he wanted to say. "Dad said Snoke was using me for my power. I knew he was right. But I thought it was too late."

"But it wasn't." Leia said quietly.

Kylo swallowed. "Soon after Starkiller, Snoke called for me. He berated and insulted me as usual. But that time it was different. The seed of doubt had already been planted. He wanted me to be the new Vader, but he told he that I had too much of my father's heart in me. I'd given everything I had to him and to the dark side. That's when I realized it wasn't enough. It never _would_ be enough. I figured that I'd never be able to climb out of the hole I'd dug myself. But then someone, no, _something_ threw me a lifeline."

"The Force Bond." Leia filled in.

"Fuck. Did she tell you everything?" Kylo grumbled.

"No." His mother shook her head. "She only told me what I needed to hear."

Monk chuckled beside him. "I can't wait to hear Rey's side of this."

Clearing his throat, Kylo continued. "I was getting a medical treatment when I felt this...pull. It was powerful and I couldn't refuse it and suddenly...Rey was _there._ In the room with me. She was just sitting there looking as confused as I felt. I was so shocked all I could do was stare. But something connected us and then I felt her heart as if it was my own. It was like our bodies synchronized. Next thing I know she's got a blaster pointed at me and she fired. I thought I was dead but there was nothing. When I looked at my body, there was no wound. I looked up and she was gone. I ran out into the hallway and suddenly she was there again. I did try to mind trick her then, I ordered her to bring Skywalker to me. She just looked at me with this defiance...anyway, that's when I realized that she wasn't doing it, that the effort would kill her. That it was something else. I couldn't see where she was and I'd guessed that she couldn't see my surroundings as well. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. And I've seen some pretty weird shit."

"Okay, look," Rose spoke up. "I don't know much about the Force and whatnot and while this is interesting, you still haven't explained why you killed Snoke." She held up a finger and added another, "And if you did kill him, why did you blame Rey. If she is innocent in his death," a third finger joined the rest, "then why did you put a bounty on her head."

"Hux." The Knights of Ren answered in unison.

"The abridged version is this: I'd had it with Snoke`s lies and torture. He'd told Rey and I that he was the one that'd bridged our minds. But for the first time, I knew without a doubt he was lying. Plus I knew what he wanted from me...to kill Rey. Everything I ever wanted, he took. Everyone I ever cared about he wanted me to kill. I was done giving. So I tricked him. I hid my true intentions so deep down he'd never find them. The only thought I allowed myself to broadcast was 'kill your true enemy'. Naturally, he assumed it was Rey. She was right. Snoke had underestimated me." Looking at his mother he announced, "I killed him with the Skywalker saber." A bitter laugh escaped him. "The Force gave us both a vision. She saw me turning and I saw her turn. I should have known it was a lie."

"Visions are always difficult to interpret." His mother answered.

"Not this one. I saw her turn to the dark." Kylo said stubbornly.

"Rey saw you turn to the light..." Monk muttered from his right. "And you saw her turn...of course." His second in command slapped a hand onto the table. "The answer has been here all along." Looking around at everyone Monk was hoping to find the proverbial light bulbs turn on but everyone just stared at him. "You don't understand." Making some mental notes he began, "I don't think that's what the Force was trying to show you. Whether she thought you'd return to the light or she'd go to the dark is of no consequence. The common denominator is that both of you saw yourselves together. I think it was a warning."

"Of what?" Kylo asked.

"Stand together or die." Monk answered sadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short chapter. The next one will be out in about two days.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised a new chapter a couple of days ago but unfortunately life happened. I hope this makes up for it. Once again, thank you to everyone who has given my story a chance. Much love.

The room was silent as they thought on Monk's words. The black haired girl began crying again. Lando leaned over the table, handing her a bright yellow handkerchief that matches his cape. Tessa reached out to her husband Cormack who grasped her hand and held it tightly. Chewie let out a soft, sad moan.

Kylo finished his second cup of kaff. "Rey," his voice broke at her name. Gathering himself he tried again. "We fought the Praetorian Guards together. When it was all over, I asked her to join me. She begged me...I told her we could bring a new order to the galaxy. She didn't understand..."

Finn laughed darkly. "Right. Of course she didn't understand." Rolling his eyes he muttered, "Why wouldn't anyone want to join the First Order."

"Look man, I may like to be spanked on occasion, but you have no idea what we've been through." Kade responded.

"I'm the traitor, remember? I know _exactly_ what the First Order is about. Galactic domination." Turning to Kylo he glared daggers. "And you honestly expected Rey to join you? She isn't a murderer!"

"Now wait a fucking minute!" Morigan yelled at Finn. "You don't just get to come in here and accuse us of things..."

"The Knights of Ren are known killers throughout the galaxy!" Poe bellowed.

"You're terrorists!" Nox yelled at Poe. 

"And you've killed innocent people!" Poe yelled back.

Kylo and Leia poured themselves another cup of kaff. They only had half an hour before they had to leave. Kylo thought momentarily about just force choking everyone into silence, but this meeting was already falling to shit. Almost everyone was yelling at each other, trying to get their point across or just flat out accusing the other side of who the worst party was. None of it mattered. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Perhaps he and the Knights could just go into hiding. They could disappear on some remote shithole planet...

_Ben._

His gaze snapped up from the table to land on his mother. She smiled softly at him. _Mom._

_Let me show you something._

_The room shifted around him to another place. He was seeing through his mother's eyes. Rey sat on a metal floor before him, his family's light saber only parts now as she was inspecting the focusing lens. It was cracked. Unusable. Worthless. She had a smear of grease along her left cheek, her hair was falling out of the three buns on the back of her head. She looked feral but there was a serene look on her face._

_"I'm not sure you can ever repair it. And even if you can, it will never be the same." He heard his mother say._

_Rey smiled. "I have no intention of fixing it. The housing is destroyed and several parts are damaged. But the kyber crystal is still intact. I can feel it. It's energy." Hazel eyes looked up. "It's gone through a lot. But I won't force, nor ask it to work for me. If it wants to be fixed, I'll offer to help, but that's all. Right now, I think it deserves some time. It's carried a heavy burden." Picking up the crystal she spoke to it directly, as if it could understand her. "If you should ever decide to come back, I'll be right here."_

Kylo was back at the table on Takodana. Seeing Rey, even in the memories of another was bittersweet. She was gone and as he looked at the others yelling he knew Rey would be disappointed. This isn't what she would want. He didn't want it either. He was done. "Enough!" He ordered loud enough so everyone could hear him. Once the room grew quiet he continued, "We could sit here for years hurling our sins at each other but that will get us nowhere. So let's put an end to it. Raise your hand if you've never killed an innocent. And before you shoot your hand in the air, let me just say that there were innocent people on every base and every ship you've blown up."

"That's banthashit." Poe snorted. "No one in the First Order is innocent."

"Oh really?" Finn eyed his friend in surprise. "Then how do you explain me?"

"You're different." Poe rolled his eyes. "You never wanted to be there."

"Do you believe that most of the people within the First Order want to be there?" Tessa asked. When the only answer Poe gave her was a narrow eyed look she went on, "I can tell you for certain that ninety percent of our numbers don't want to be. But they were either taken as children," she nodded to Finn, "were given to the First Order as slaves or had no other choice. Bloody hell, _we_ dont even want to be there."

"Then why are you still there?" Rose asked, confused. "You could join us..."

"That wouldn't work." Leia admitted. "Some of the Resistance is just out for blood now. People have gotten so lost, they just want revenge."

"Hux is one of our largest problems," Kylo added. "And yours. When I woke up in the throne room, he was preparing to kill me. When he asked me what happened, I told him Rey had killed Snoke." 

"You fucking coward!" Poe yelled.

"Once again, you automatically jump to the wrong conclusion." Kylo gave the pilot an icy glare. "If I had told Hux that I killed Snoke, I would have been dead in minutes. Then Hux would have taken the position of Supreme Leader and trust me, _no one_ wants that."

Finn's head fell to the table. "Fuck." Sighing he sat up again and said, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree. We don't want Hux in power."

"And why's that?" Lando asked.

"Think about it. Hux is the one who designed the storm trooper programming. Hundreds of thousands of people all designed to take _his_ orders."

"Not to mention, Starkiller was his brainchild." Cormack added.

"And that little fucker isn't done yet." Kade spoke ominously. 

"Right after Crait I recalled the Knights. I knew I had a very precarious hold on my position and I needed help to cement my grip." Kylo swallowed. "I won't allow another Starkiller to be made."

"Why not just kill him?" Chewie asked.

"Because just like the Resistance, if you cut off the head, another will sprout up." Leia revealed, shaking her head.

"If Hux is killed, everything gets moved to someone else. Not me." Kylo said.

"Then who?" The pilot raised an eyebrow.

Monk reached into his robes and removed a holopad. "There's ten of them." Sliding the pad over to Poe he explained, "This pad has every name, every ship and anything we could find out about them. We've already begun the first stage. But it's going slowly and frankly, we need help."

"Help with what?" Rose asked, her eyes growing large.

Ben gave his best Solo smirk. "A rebellion."

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Leia watched as her son, her baby boy now a man, gave orders to his Knights. They were all outside of what little remained of Maz`s castle. Ben looked so much like Han. Her son had to leave and she found herself wanting to beg him not to. They'd only had a few hours together and she was afraid she'd never see him again.

Leadership looked good on him. As his Knights stood around him, Ben never faltered. He'd matured. In the late afternoon sun of Takodana, his raven black hair gave off auburn highlights that he'd inherited from her. He'd grown to be even taller than Han, her once gangly son now a mountain of a man outwardly conveying strength and power. But his eyes hadn't changed. They still held the haunted quality they had since he was born. What had Snoke done to her boy?

"I like them." Lando said under his breath.

"Me too." Leia agreed.

"You think they can pull this off?"

Sighing Leia shook her head. "Not without help. They've made a good start. But if they're being completely truthful, Hux will try to take them out soon." Looking at the Knights was like gazing at someone through fog. They'd all been part of Luke's academy. Where had it all gone wrong? And did it really matter anymore? "We need to have a serious conversation about this."

Lando put his arm around her shoulders. "But he's Ben, right?"

Tilting her head she watched as most of the Knights headed toward their ship. "I don't know. If Snoke was in his head from the beginning, then who is Ben really?"

"He'll figure it out." Chewie confirmed. "All he needs is time."

Malik and Ben approached them. "It was a pleasure seeing you again, General." Malik offered a small smile. "We'll comm you in a week. Hopefully by then you'll have an answer for us." Nodding at Lando and Chewie he added, "May the Force be with you." Slapping Ben on the back, Malik made his way toward the Knight`s ship.

Ben stood before what remained of his family. Shame and guilt flooded through him. There was anger as well. How much of the anger was really his, though? He knew he needed to say something. _Anything._ "I think...no, I know Snoke twisted my thoughts. The things he told me..." Chewing on his lower lip he sought the correct words. "He was always in my head, telling me that you didn't love me. That you were afraid of me." Swallowing harshly he looked at the sky, willing the tears not to come. "I felt dad on Starkiller. I was doing my best to stay away from him. Snoke..." He bit the name off, clenching his fists. "I regret killing dad. But now I understand why I had to do it." Wiping a tear from his face he blurted, "When I became more conflicted I realized that I'd never be what Snoke wanted. The only way for me to break free was dad's sacrifice. And I couldn't do it again." With his bottom lip quivering he confessed, "Mom, I'm not the one that shot the bridge of the Raddus. That doesn't excuse any of my other actions, but I wanted you to know."

Leia stepped forward and reached out to her son. "We have a lot to work through, and we will. But you need to know that we _never_ stopped loving you. We're going to get through this." Taking his large gloved hand in hers she whispered, "I'm just glad to see you again."

"Me too." He squeezed her hand gently. "We'll talk soon." Giving Chewie a sad smile he walked to join his Knights. The next week would determine their future. He wouldn't let anyone take anything from him again. Climbing aboard the ship he swore that he'd protect his family. When Malik smiled at him he knew what he had to do. He just hoped he had the strength to do it.

⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙

**Somewhere Else...**

"I cannot believe you talked me into this."

"You liked the idea when I brought it to you."

"No, I didn't. I said it _could_ work."

"It _is_ working."

"For now. But the future is uncertain."

"The future is _always_ uncertain."

"They're gonna be pissed."

"Yes, they will."

A cheeky grin. "It's a good thing we're already dead."

"Yes." A humming laugh.

"The time has come, if ready you are." A third voice entered the conversation. 

Thirteen figures stood around a prone body. In unison they called out to the Force and in tandem released the energy into the unconscious form.

Eyelids fluttered open slowly.

"Hello there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I do that? Yes, I did!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take a moment to thank certain people. They are, in no particular order; my mom. Mom, thank you so much for proof reading and editing this story. And also for listening to every idea I come up with and giving your opinion. I've inherited a lot from you, and hopefully my skill as an author and storyteller reflects that. To my sisters, CareBear and Mei-Mei, you two are the best. You've been the ones that have given me the courage I needed to share this story outside of our trifecta of trouble. I love you all...you'll never know how much.

The Resistance had gone to Hoth. They were still small enough that the First Order wouldn't be able to find them there. It had been two days since they met the Knights on Takodana. The holopad Monk had given them held more than just information of Hux and the other generals. It seemed that for the past three months the Supreme Leader and his Knights had been very busy indeed.

Tessa had hacked into the storm trooper reconditioning and made a backdoor through which she installed an algorithm. For every ten troopers that were sent for reconditioning, one mind was freed. Kade would then order the troopers to a meeting with the Supreme Leader under the guise that Kylo was looking for new Praetorian Guards. He'd interview each individually but with the one who`d been freed, he gave them a choice: stay and fight with us against the First Order when the time comes or we will release you. But either option will take time. Doing the math, Finn figured that since this was taking place on the Devestator, the flagship of the First Order, there were around six hundred thousand minds that could eventually be freed.

Unfortunately, since the Knights had to do this behind the scenes, the work was slow. They needed a way to increase their numbers at a faster rate. That's where the Resistance came into play. If their command was willing to meet on a small First Order outpost, one of the Knights could arrive with a squad of storm troopers. The Knight could send them for 'reconditioning' on the outpost and as many as fifty minds at once. Those who chose to stay with the 'new yet secret command' of the First Order would become something like sleeper cells. Those who chose to leave would be classified as dead and the Resistance would find them somewhere to go. The problem with the plan was that if too many chose to leave, Hux would notice. The additional problems were there were other First Order ships. They'd either have to take over the Devestator quickly but silently or they'd have to spread the 'free thought' algorithm like a virus to every ship and station which would potentially lead to mass casualties. Hundreds of thousands of people could die because Kylo was trying to free them but wouldn't be able to be there to fight with them.

"He doesn't do anything small, does he?" Poe asked with barely veiled enthusiasm. 

"Never did. Like his old man that way." Chewie purred.

"If enough troopers choose to leave, they're in trouble." Finn added. "They'll need people to take place of the ones that go."

"We only have three hundred people." Kaydel shook her head. "We won't be able to fill up those numbers."

"Even if we did, who would volunteer for that kind of mission?" Rose asked.

"I would. I will." Finn sat up straight in his chair. "I don't relish the idea of going back to the First Order, but if it will help to free people, I'll do it." Looking General Organa in the eye he explained, " There were others that wanted out. And when I ran, I just left them there. I'll never get rid of that guilt. But maybe if I do this, I can lighten the load."

Leia nodded at the young man. "Permission granted when the time comes." _If the time comes._ " We should adjourn for the night. We all need sleep and to look at this again tomorrow." When everyone stood to leave she addressed Lando. "Stay for a minute."

Once they were alone he reached across the table to take her hand. "I know that look. What's troubling you, Princess?"

Leia rolled her eyes. "Everything. But Finn's right. The more minds that are freed,the higher the chance the troopers will leave. We need people that we're sure are with us to fill in the gap. And our numbers aren't that great either."

"We need to figure out a new way of recruiting people." Lando sighed. "People are afraid. We need to give them something to rally behind."

"I think I have an idea. Everyone will hate it. I already hate it." Leia pursed her lips. "But if we can pull it off, it'll work."

"So what's the idea?"

The General shook her head. "We need to talk to the Knights first."

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In the Supreme Leader's quarters, Kade Ren watched Kylo. Two years older than his master, Kade still felt like the younger man between them. They were exact opposites in almost every way. They were close in height and build but where Kylo was dark in hair and eye encased in ivory skin, Kade was blonde and blue eyed with a naturally olive skin tone. Kylo was a fierce fighter, learned everything quickly and had the Force wrapped around his little finger. When they were young, Kade had hated him...no, not hate. Envied.

But as the years passed Kade noticed some peculiar about the boy. The girls at the temple would look at Ben Solo but he had little to no interest. He was always reading, studying or would just wander off on his own. Kade had wondered if the kid would go somewhere private to masturbate. Hell, he wouldn't blame him. Sometimes stroking one out was the only way to feel better at the temple.

Now, Kade knew the truth. Ben hadn't been interested because he had far larger problems. Skywalker didn't trust Ben, the kid was just _that_ powerful. Thinking back on it, he wondered if Luke was afraid or jealous of his nephew. Probably both. Anything even remotely related to the Force Ben mastered quickly. Perhaps too quickly. While Ben was proud of himself, back then thinking what a good Jedi he'd become, Kade saw Skywalker veer from pride to resentment then finally to fear. He'd always get _that look_ on his face. Kade knew that look. And he wasn't the only one.

One night, about nine years ago, the seven of them had snuck out of their huts after lights out. They'd gone to the river and decided to play a game of truth or dare. When Morigan had been dared to kiss Ben, he'd become so angry that he stormed off leaving the group behind.

Morigan was hurt. She'd wanted Ben for five years. Kade had brought her deep into the forest and they fucked for the first time. That was the beginning of their 'arrangement.' If no one else was around, they'd screw. No love, no strings.

"You're staring." His master uttered as he read through another report.

"I'm thinking."

"I suppose there's a first time for everything." Kylo answered as he set down a holopad and picked up another.

Kade chuckled. "Seriously. I want to ask you something. But I don't want you to get mad."

"If you think it will anger me, then don't."

Scratching his nose Kade asked, "You're still a virgin, huh?"

Kylo placed the holopad on the table quietly. "With everything that's going on, freeing the storm troopers, possibly working with the Resistance not to mention the coup we know Hux is planning, _that's_ your biggest concern?"

"So, is that a yes?" Kade playfully smiled.

"That part of my life is no one's business but my own." Kylo spat.

"I'm just wondering what you're waiting for." Kade pushed. "There are plenty of women or men that would gladly..."

Slamming his fist on the table Kylo roared, "Enough! How I live my life is none of your concern. Some of us have more going on in our lives than trying to find someone to warm our bed for an hour!"

"Then what _do_ you want?" Kade leaned forward. "If not women, what? Power?"

Kylo shook his head. "I never wanted this."

"Rey." Kade scrutinized his master. When Kylo chewed his cheek he knew he had the answer. "You want the Jedi."

"That no longer matters." Kylo rasped. 

"You love her."

Brown tear filled eyes met his. "It's too late. She's gone."

Kade sat back, expelling a breath. Holy mother of shit, he was right! His brother had fallen in love with the enemy and now she's dead. When would this guy ever catch a break? Throwing caution to the wind he requested, "Tell me about her."

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

General Armitage Hux walked the corridors of the Devestator. His uniform was stiff and clean, red hair slicked so not one piece was out of place. Every detail had been scrubbed, polished and stragically put into place. He was the leader the First Order needed, not that overgrown toddler who had the Force.

For years he'd worked hard, crawling up the position ladder to finally become a general. But the past six years he'd had to deal with _him,_ with _them._ Fucking Force users. They'd had power just _handed_ to them from birth. Kylo Ren was bad enough. When he'd joined the First Order Snoke was almost _protective_ of the man-child. Ren was a moody brat. And with a flick of his wrist he'd become the Supreme Leader. Ren had told him that the girl had killed Snoke. How was that even possible? Sure, she had the Force but she'd come from Jakku. She was a desert rat. Even if she _had_ killed the former Supreme Leader, how had she taken out the Praetorian Guards _and_ Ren? Just how powerful was she?

Turning a corner Hux considered the current state he was in. He needed Ren and the Knights dead. And to do that, he'd gone to several generals in order to find allies. Ren was too dangerous to be left in charge. He needed to die. The only problem was; how do you kill someone when they can literally sense danger around them? And even if he somehow managed to kill Kylo, the Knights would retaliate immediately. So the question became; how do you take out seven force sensitive at once?

There was the girl, however. Hux had personally put a bounty of five hundred thousand credits on her head. Dead or alive. Perhaps if she could be brought in alive he could convince her to kill Ren and his Knights herself. Or maybe she wouldn't even need to be convinced. Wasn't this the threat that Snoke always spoke of? That the Jedi Order would continue. And that's what these Force users did, right? They chose a side and killed each other. If she could kill those seven blights in his life, maybe he could kill her. Or better yet...if he could capture her. With enough time, drugs and certain _physical_ torture he could break her. Then he could use her for her power. She would be his fist against the galaxy.

He just had to find her first.

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Seven standard days after separating from his mother, Kylo feels restless. He feels like he needs to be doing something, _anything,_ but all he can do is wait. And pace. Tessa has been busy constantly monitoring comms and the back door to the reconditioning to make sure nothing is wrong. So far, so good. They've freed more storm trooper`s minds, but it's a slow, tedious process. Every day they freed one hundred twenty minds. Thus far eight thousand and forty troopers were no longer conditioned to follow Hux or the First Order. Kylo had spoken to every one of them, explained why he had freed them. "No one should live a life as you have." He'd told every individual. "I know that you hate the First Order and myself. But this isn't about us liking each other. This is about freedom." Humbling himself he asked, "I need your help. In order for all of us to be free, we need to start a war. And we need to win. If you choose to stay, I'll see to it that you're paid a fair wage, have a better standard of living. If you decide to go, you can leave. We may even be able to help you find any family you have."

To his complete and utter shock, they'd all chosen to stay...for various reasons. Some wanted revenge against Hux since he had continued this barbaric practice after his father died. Others were afraid that if they left, the First Order would hunt them down as traitors. The majority confessed to not knowing any other life so they'd stay. But there were about one hundred who were either extremely brave or stupid and asked the same question: did the Jedi have anything to do with this?

The truth of it is; no, she didn't. Kylo had always hated the storm trooper program. Stealing children from their parents and fucking with their minds so they'd be compliant and obey. He knew he'd dismantle the program. In the little over two months they'd been doing this Kylo had gone from only feeling this was the right thing to do, to almost feeling a perverted sense of glee every time a mind was freed. Oh, and he couldn't wait to see the look on Hux`s face when confronted with the fact that he'd stolen his army right out from under his nose.

He was so consumed in his thoughts that he didn't notice a shift in the Force. "Hey, kid."

Whipping around he was met with the ghost of Skywalker. "You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me."

Luke smiled a bit ruefully. "I told you I'd see you around."

"Get out." Kylo snarled.

"Ben."

"No! I don't have time for this." Stomping past the apparition of his Uncle he threw over his shoulder, "Go back to wherever you came from."

Luke shook his head. "Not until we've talked."

Throwing himself into his bed Kylo covered his face with his hands. "Now that you're dead you want to talk? Or is this another lecture from the great Skywalker?" He ground out. Sitting up he stared daggers at his former master. "If you haven't noticed, I'm a little busy. If you could come back in...never, that'd be great."

Luke snorted. "I'm not here to lecture you, kid. I'm here to listen."

A dark laugh erupted from the young man. "You? Listen? Since when?" Standing up he removed his gloves and threw them on the table. "Besides, you won't like what I have to say. You never have."

"What I like or don't is of little consequence now." Luke answered quietly. Shrugging nonchalantly he said, "Let me have it."

"Fine." Turning to the Force ghost he spat, "It's all your fault. How could you?! Who the hell do you think you are?"

Swallowing, Luke nodded. "I know. I failed. And I'll apologize again. I'm so sorry Ben." 

"She trusted you. She needed you. She was alone in all of this and you refused to help her. You were her hero. And now she's dead and it's your fault!" Kylo roared.

"Wait. This is about Rey?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse has tried running from me. Luckily I was able to tackle and hog tie her. For now, she's cooperating.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my muse has decided to not only slow down but to shift stories as well. For the last few days I've been writing an ABO. I'm working on both stories at once so I'm jumping back and forth. I'm hoping to put out the first chapter of my new story next week. For now, here's a new chapter. Hope everyone is doing well.

Rose sat quietly on the Falcon. It was about two months ago that she'd been passing this very ship in the middle of the night when most of the Resistance was asleep. She'd heard a cry in the freighter and had run to see who'd been injured. To her surprise, she'd found Rey sitting alone in one of the bunks. When Rose had asked her what was wrong, the girl had fiercely wiped the tears from her face.

"I couldn't bring him back. I failed him. He was...kind at times. I just didn't expect that." Swallowing a sob she continued, "I miss him."

Rose thought she'd understood. Being with Luke Skywalker must have had a major impact. But as the weeks passed, Rey didn't get better. In fact, she got worse. Most of the time the only time she, Poe and Finn saw Rey was during meals. At first Rey would stuff her face, smiling happily the entire time. But eventually the smiles faded as did her appetite. Where once she would practically lick the tray clean, she grew to just pushing the food around until she finally stopped coming to the mess hall altogether. 

In the few weeks before Rey's disappearance and resulting death, Rose wasn't the only one who'd noticed the changes in their Jedi. Although no one ever saw her eat, Rey seemed to never run out of energy. She could always be found training, helping Chewie with the Falcon or just...doing anything. It was almost as if she needed _something_ to concentrate on.

But that wasn't the worst of it. Three weeks before Rey's last mission things just started...happening. Bulbs would burst, people would faint who were fine only a moment beforehand, anything not bolted down would fly about rooms and hallways that Rey was in. At first she'd run to help, horror written on her face. But the horror was quickly replaced by indifference. A mask of resignation became her only outward emotion but her eyes grew hollow, haunted.

Theories and rumors spread like wildfire. Kylo Ren had done something to her. Or perhaps it was the Force. Maybe their beacon of light was turning to the dark side. And yet, her power continued to grow. Most people stayed away from her. Rose was embarrassed to admit that even she was becoming afraid. The only two people that seemed to know what to do were Chewie and General Organa. Rose had found the wookie holding Rey more than once as the girl cried mournfully into his fur, "It hurts _so_ much." Chewie would whisper something that seemed to comfort her for a few minutes and then it would start all over again.

"Lost in your own world again?" Finn's voice startled Rose back to the present.

"I was just thinking about Rey." She confessed. "And how she was after Crait." She patted the seat next to her in invitation. When he sat down she sniffed. "I was remembering how quickly she changed. Back then I had almost convinced myself that Kylo Ren had done something to her but..."

"But then Takodana." Finn concluded. When she nodded he released a huge breath. "Me too. I've never witnessed pain like that before. I don't know shit about the Force, but if they had that bond thingy...do you think that's why she got so...?"

Rose shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know. Monk said that they had Kylo heavily sedated but I still can't get over the sounds he was making. He was like a wounded animal. I never thought I'd see the Supreme Leader of the First Order look so...broken."

Finn scratched the back of his neck. "They barely knew each other and yet..." his voice trailed off.

"You'd think that she was his entire world. Is that how force bonds work?" Rose asked, picking at a hangnail.

"Fuck if I know. But it seems...it's almost as if..."

Rose`s mind flashes back to a particular conversation with Rey. _" I couldn't bring him back. I failed him. He was...kind at times. I just didn't expect that. I miss him."_ Then she remembered what she'd said to Finn on Crait. _"That's how we win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love."_ Shooting out of her chair Rose ran calling out behind her, "I need to speak to the General!"

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"Out of all of your failures, I'd say that's the largest." Kylo spat. Turning to his uncle he pointed an accusing finger at him. "She'd just had her awakening. She went to you because she was afraid. But once again, the son of Skywalker didn't listen. You thought you were above it all, beyond it all. You pushed her away." A vicious pain tore through his chest and he covered his heart with his hand. "She was so... _good,_ so _pure._ And you just shit all over her, just like her parents. They threw her away and you did the same. I could almost, _almost_ forgive them because they were drunks. But you? There's no fucking excuse! Rey begged you for help! And you turned her away. You spineless, soulless, fucking coward!" Kylo roared and threw a holopad through his uncle`s apparition. 

"I'd like to encourage you to express what you truly feel." Luke deadpanned.

"Fuck you."

Rolling his eyes Luke sat down on Kylo's bed. "You're right. I did fail Rey. I was so filled with fear that if I were to train her I'd lose her, too."

"Rey wasn't anything like me."

"Oh, I beg to differ." Luke snorted. "She was smart, curious, pushy, strong and so very powerful." He sighed. "But she also couldn't understand the boundaries between the light and the dark. She just dove right in to whatever was there."

"Well maybe she could have if you'd taken the time to actually teach her!"

"Because my record was so spotless?" Luke countered.

"See! This is why I didn't want to get into this with you." Kylo threw his hands up in exasperation. "Every conversation becomes an argument. You're always right, I'm always wrong. No matter what." Tears spring to his eyes unwillingly. "I don't want your apologies or criticisms anymore. I only want one thing from you."

Defeated, Luke asked, "What?"

"Tell me where to find her remains. Or tell my mother. She had people who loved her. She deserves a proper burial. And her loved ones deserve to find her a resting place."

Luke shuffled his feet slightly. "I...there's no remains to be found."

"Get out and never come back!" Kylo screamed. His uncle disappeared and he was alone again. Slumping to the floor he curled himself into the fetal position, allowing the tears to come. "Rey." He whispered. "I'm so sorry." His breathing became short and shallow. "I should have known. Everything I touch turns to shit. I'm sorry sweetheart." That night, the Master of the Knights of Ren cried himself to sleep.

⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙ ⊙

"The Force surrounds us, combines us..."

"Reach out."

"You will be tempted..."

"Let it flow through you."

"Breathe."

"The Force will be with you, always."

**"There is no emotion, there is peace.**

**Peace is a lie, there is only passion.**

**There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.**

**Through passion, I gain strength.**

**There is no passion, there is serenity.**

**Through strength, I gain power.**

**There is no chaos, there is harmony.**

**Through power, I gain victory.**

**There is no death, there is the Force.**

**Through victory, my chains are broken.**

**The Force is with me and I am one with the Force.**

**The Force shall set me free."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I have arthritis and fibromyalgia and they're both flaring up. I decided to cut this chapter in half but I WILL put out the second part on Thursday. I just need a day to recover.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the second part of the last chapter.

Monk sat in meditation. He'd spoken to General Organa and she was willing to help. The only problem was that the Resistance was so small. They need allies, and fast. What they needed desperately were; people, ships and food. Lando was heading out in the next few hours with Chewie to see if they couldn't recruit more people.

Leia had informed Monk of her idea, but he wasn't sure how Ben would take it. The General suggested that word of Rey's death should be kept quiet. If Hux were to find out, that may endanger the Knights of Ren even more. Leia recommended that the Resistance and the freed storm troopers start rumors. Rumors of sightings of Rey. Things she'd do, and a crowd for the 'sightings.' Oh, and they'd need a force sensitive. Someone that could 'make things float' for the onlookers. Which meant either Leia would have to be there...or one of the Knights. 

Exhaling a large breath, Monk recentered himself. Allowing the physical plain to fall away he reached out to the galaxy, flowing through the current of energy. There was so much life, so much death. The Force still felt disjointed, like it had taken an injury that refused to heal. A vital piece was missing and he knew all too well what it was. Thinking back to the day Ben had confessed to him was painful.

"Have you ever looked into the face of love?"

"Once."

At the age of thirty-five, Monk was the eldest of the Knights. Luke had found him when he was thirteen and it wasn't until two years later that he'd meet Ben Solo. The ten year old was already tall for his age, which most people has teased him about. He was also a very studious boy and incredibly strong with the Force. Not to mention that he was the child of the famous Han Solo and Leia Organa. That poor boy was born with a target on his back.

Where others found Ben's quiet demeanor as something to fear, Malik found a commonality. They'd spend hours in the library, searching for rare information and finding dumb things that they would laugh over. Ben's friendship, he wouldn't find out until later, had helped to mend Malik`s broken heart.

Malik Rata had been born on Yavin the eldest of three children. At the tender age of six, he attended school where he promptly met a girl named Yu and fell in love. Until he left for Luke's temple, they had spent every day together. Malik was so sure of their love that before leaving, he'd asked Yu for her hand in marriage, promising her that one day soon he would return and they would be wed. Two years later, he and two older students along with Luke had traveled back to Yavin. Malik had been so overwhelmed with finally seeing his love that when he ran to her home, he was planning on asking her parents for their blessing. Halfway up the walk he caught sight of Yu, embraced in another`s arms. She had forgotten about him and carried on with her life. After that, Malik decided that love had no place in his life.

But then Ben Solo had come into his life. A brother. A friend. A confidante. Who just so happened to be Skywalker's nephew. A boy who only wanted to be a pilot like his father but was instead saddled with the profound weight of his family on his shoulders. So Malik did the only thing he could: he listened.

"I'm in love with her." Kylo had managed through his tears. "And she hates me."

"I've never known anyone to do what she did because of hate." Malik tried to soothe him.

"I threw the truth in her face. I called her nothing. But she's everything to me." Wiping at his eyes Ben muttered, "How could I have said that? Sometimes I think I should sew my mouth shut."

"Mistakes were made, but atonement is always within reach if you are willing to try." Monk answered. "Show me."

Ben had lowered his defenses and Monk's mind was flooded with the girl. She was beautiful, majestic in her own way. The only star in the black night sky. You couldn't help but look. A fighter, a survivor, a fiery spit of hope that quickly grew into a raging flame. Everything roared around her like a storm and yet, she was the eye of it. Rey pushed past fear and anger, willing things to just _work._ And they did. Where Ben was able to bend the Force to his will, the Force bowed to her. Opposites, yet the same. No wonder his brother had fallen instantly. A woman hardened by the life she was thrown into and yet could still cry. It was almost as if she was...

Ben threw up his mental shields again, forcing Monk out. "Now you understand."

"Bloody hell."

"Yeah."

"Darkness rises..." Monk whispered in awe.

"And light to meet it." Ben reached for his glass of whiskey and with one gulp emptied it. "She's going to be the death of me."

"There is no death, only the Force." Monk recited.

"I'll try to remember that when she skewers me."

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In the general's quarters, Rose sat across from Leia, trying to find the right way to phrase her belief. Did Rey lie to them? She never spoke of her feelings towards Kylo Ren to anyone. Maybe she'd been afraid. Did Rey hide how she'd felt out of guilt? Or was there something else? Rey had grown up alone. Her first friend was Finn. She'd never had a real home or a family, at least not that she could remember. Rey had told Rose that the only thing she could remember was that they were junk traders that had sold her for drinking money. That her first memory was of a ship leaving her behind on Jakku. She'd known her parents were dead for years but had shoved that knowledge deep down, out of fear and anger. Maybe Rey was afraid that if she confessed her feelings for Kylo Ren the Resistance would label her a traitor.

The General sat down in the opposite chair from her, pouring two cups of tea. "Want to clue an old woman in on your thoughts?"

Rose picked up the cup offered to her and blew carefully on its contents. "I was just thinking...how far some people will go to save someone they love." Taking a sip she mulled over her suspecion. "Are the Jedi allowed to love?"

Leia fiddled with her own cup. "When we were younger, Luke had learned what the Jedi believed during the Old Republic. 'Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden'. Luke couldn't follow those rules. He loved. Me, Han. Chewie. Lando." Taking a sip she smiled. "Ben, too. Luke understood there were flaws to the Jedi teachings. He tried to change it. But it's difficult when you're the only one. Why do you ask?"

Rose twisted a lock of her hair around her finger. "I was just wondering what a Jedi would be willing to do for love."

Leia`s lips thinned. "Luke confronted Darth Vader, believing there was still good in him. Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side in hopes of saving our mother. I guess it depends on the Jedi." When Rose frowned Leia said, "Spit it out. Whatever thoughts you're having."

"I'm just curious...Kylo said that he and Rey had a Force Bond. What exactly happened between them? Did Rey go to the Supremacy just to turn Kylo back to the light? Or to try to kill Snoke? Or maybe there was another reason. One she kept hidden." Sighing deeply Rose closed her eyes. "I think Rey may have been trying to tell me something. She told me that she had failed. That she couldn't bring him back."

"My brother could be a very stubborn man."

"That's just it. Maybe she wasn't talking about Luke." Meeting the general's eyes she whispered, "I think she was referring to Kylo." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that next week I'll put up the first chapter of my new story. If you like the ABO theme, please give it a chance. My muse is heading in that direction for now, but I do have more chapters of this ready for release. I'll only be updating once a week, whichever story happens to come out at the time. I'm not quitting this story, it's just very emotionally painful and it's difficult to get into and stay in that space for long periods of time.


End file.
